I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I could fuck to npr.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
