Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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