He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
