Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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