bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
