i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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