How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
