And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
