Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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