I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize