well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
