i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
