if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
