Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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