and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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