I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
