You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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