do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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