It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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