this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
