so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
