You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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