Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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