Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
