O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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