We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
