Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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