Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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