Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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