i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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