I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
