I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize