3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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