There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
