If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
