I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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