He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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