My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
