dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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