Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You took a bar mat shot.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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