if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
