Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
