i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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