Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
