There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
