we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
