I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
