I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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