So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
