Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
