There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
