Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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