forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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