My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
