He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
