I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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