She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My life is pants optional.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
