Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
