yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
