Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
