Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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