just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
