you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
