called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So squirting runs in the family.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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