I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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