At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
