Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
