I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
