Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
