U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
