So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
