We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
