So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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