Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
