She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
