if you like me you must not know who I am
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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