I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
