Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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