Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
