I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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