I'm so fucking centered right now
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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