ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
