You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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