You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
