Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
