Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just pee around me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
