Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
accomplished twins. life is a go
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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